YEAH, YEAH ANOTHER SURVEY
What year did you celebrate your first Noel? 1974
Do you still have a stocking? YES, THOUGH IT HAS A HOLE IN IT FROM HANGING TOO CLOSE TO THE FIRE.
Where do you go on Christmas Eve? LAST YEAR I WENT TO A DINNER PARTY AT MY FRIEND GERRY’S HOUSE ON BAINBRIDGE ISLAND.
What do you do on Christmas morning? OPEN PRESENTS AT THE MOMS’ES AT THE DOUBLE WIDE ON GARBAGE DUMP ROAD
What was favorite Christmas gift? LAST YEAR, MY FAVE GIFT WAS A WORLD’S FAIR COLLAGE THAT MARTA MADE.
What was your least favorite Christmas gift. I’M GONNA PLEAD THE FIFTH…OR MAYBE DRINK A FIFTH.
Favorite Christmas beverage? AND SPEAKING OF A FIFTH, I LIKES MY MANHATTANS.
Favorite Christmas Carol OH HOLY NIGHT
Least favorite Christmas Carol GOOD KING WENCESLAS AND JINGLE BELL ROCK.
What does your family usually eat for Christmas Dinner? PRIME RIB
Do you have a Christmas tree in your house? NO
Mulled Cider or Egg Nog THE NOG, MAN.
Fruitcake of Gingerbread? MY ALLERGY TO GINGER SPARES ME FROM BOTH
Miracle on 35th street or It’s A Wonderful Life? MIRACLE ON 35TH STREET.
Have you ever seen the Nutcracker? SADLY, ONLY A DRESS REHEARSAL AT PNB
Have you ever used a Nutcracker? YES, INDEED
Have you ever been a Nutcracker? YOU’LL HAVE TO ASK THE GHOST OF BOYFRIEND’S PAST
Have you ever re-gifted? OF COURSE
What is the tackiest thing you received last year? A SANTA LOVES TEACHERS MUG FILLED WITH GINGER SNAPS.
Do any of your relatives get sloshed at family get togethers? I WAS PROBABLY TOO DRUNK TO NOTICE.
Have you ever been drunk on Christmas? SEE ABOVE
What do you want for Christmas This Year? A RICH HUSBAND or something
Do you enjoy wrapping presents? I DO
How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? EIGHT. THAT’S WHEN I REALIZED MY MOTHER AND SANTA USED THE SAME WRAPPING PAPER
Favorite Christmas Memory
MY GRANdFATHER USED TO BUILD STUFF. WHEN I WAS FIVE OR SO, I GAVE HIM NAILS FOR CHRISTMAS. WE WRAPPED THEM NICELY IN RED AND WHITE STRIPED PAPER. I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE BEST GIFT EVER. HE PRETENDED TO THINK SO TOO.
Favorite Reindeer NIXON
Do you know anyone whose birthday is on Christmas? (besides Jesus, you smart ass)
MY GRANDFATHER’S BIRTHDAY WAS THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS.
Are their Christmas carols playing where you work?
HOLY CRAP, YES…BUT IT’S A WELCOME BREAK FROM SMOOTH JAZZ
Have you ever worked in retail over the Christmas holidays.
I WORKED AS A GIFT WRAPPER AT THE MAGIC MOUSE TOY STORE WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. I RECENTLY WORKED IN A GIRLY GIFT SHOP AT U-VILLAGE, UNTIL I BECAME SUICIDAL.
Who is the hardest person to shop for? MY MOTHER
Who is the easiest person to shop for? GINA
Have you finished your Christmas shopping? HELL NO.