Dear Mr. Bastard

Dear Mr. Bastard,
Hi guy who broke into my 99 Saturn.Thank you for not breaking any windows. Thank you for not stealing my car. I hope you enjoy the 1.50 worth of pennies and nickels you took. Sorry there isn't more on the Starbucks card. I think there is about 30 cents left on the one you took. Thank you for not taking the other three, as they have some value. I think you should know the portable CD/Tape player barely works and if you choose to put a tape in it...It will be destroyed. The checkbook is what really pisses me off. I don't know if there was more than one of them in the glove compartment so I have closed my account. The prop receipts from Nathan Hale High School may seem worthless, but there is a rebate offer on the Sharpies I bought, So if you really need cash, you may want to send that in to STAPLES. That pill case may look interesting but you may be dissapointed to find that it's just Midol and Allergy medicine. I'm sorry you wasted your time on my car. Maybe next time I'll have something better for you to take. You Bastard.
Sincerely,
Owner of the '99 Saturn parked on East John.