Thursday, May 05, 2005

Dumbass Crime

In the course of 20 minutes I witnessed three crimes! Now before you get your hopes up and picture some great episode of Cops-Dade County, let me just say. These were West Seattle Suburbia crimes. So in an effort to make this a better story, feel free to imagine the culprits with weapons, guns, knives, switchblades. I guess if you want it to be more entertaining you can also imagine them singing showtunes and doing high kicks, but you are completely responsible for your own homo-erotic fantasies. Anyhoo. The first crime was at the Admiral Safeway. I turned the aisle to see a man stuffing Keebler Sandwich cookies in his pants. I pretended not to notice the pants cookies, but It did occur to me that we weren't even in the cookie aisle. When I met up with him in the beverage aisle he was pocketing a Red Bull and a Jones Soda. I watched him walk out of the store. I guess I should have alerted someone, but I...well have no good excuse.

About ten minutes later this drunk and or high/stoned blond teenager runs by me. She apparently mistakes the EMT's shopping for Little Debbies for store employees. I guess those uniforms can be confusing. I mean they both have radios. She asked the EMT's "Where do you guys keep your donuts" . I would have given her some smartass answer like "at my house, stupid" but they were good sports and sent her in the right direction. She must have gotten lost though because she found a case of Budweiser instead and ran out of the store with it. The EMT's alerted the store clerk. He got on his radio. The EMT answered an unrelated call on his own radio and confused the clerk. Crazy antics and madcap hijinks ensued. Actually nothing happened.

The last one is actually even less interesting than the first two. As I was driving home I was stopped at an intersection. The guy in the lane next to me got impatient waiting for the light to change so he ran it. Perhaps he should have coupled his impatience with observation and noticed he was in front of a cop. I was slightly amused. Okay so it ain't no episode of Hill Street Blues but with the help of imaginary weapons and a inner soundtrack...okay it's still not that exciting. ..but you're still reading aren't you? Sucka


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