Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Mommy and Ravi's Big Day Out

There is a woman who shops at the Queen Anne Trader Joes with a young child named Ravi. How do I know this? His mother said his name 86 times within the short time they seemed to be trailing me. It was bad enough she would say his name every time she needed to speak. But she spoke to him in third person as well.

“Mommy needs Ravi to put the Woven Wheats back on the shelf where you found them since we aren’t going to buy those today”

“No, Ravi’s family doesn’t eat that kind of cheese…that kind of cheese come from animals…maybe the nice man will move his cart so mommy can reach the soy cheese”

“Do you think Ravi can put the hummus in the cart by himself for mommy”

Oh for the love of Christ, either ask him in a direct manner or grab the damn hummus and put it in your freakin cart lady!

"Can Ravi pick out a bag of salad mix and move over a little and let the nice woman get past us.
What me? Nice woman?
I am sorry but Mommy must have me confused with someone else. Perhaps someone that thinks Ravi and Mommy’s happy fun shopping excursion is just as precious to all the other Trader Joes customers as it is to Mommy.

Let me just go on record as saying. I don’t hate kids. I teach children. I love children. I think kids are great. They are compact and travel size and able to squeeze into small spaces. Their small stature and willingness to please makes them perfect for cat burglary, pick-pocketing and changing the channel when you have misplaced the remote. I love kids. It’s the parents that annoy me.
I had no problem with Ravi. I felt bad for the kid.
I wanted to pull him to the side and tell him.
“Mommy is going to send Ravi to Waldorf School until she decides that Homes Schooling is a better option . Ravi, you should know that there are other toys out there besides rounded edge wooden ones and in the real world Ravi, they will make fun of your page boy haircut and your rainbow stripe sweater. Drummettes are not actual chicken, Turkey tastes much better than Tofurkey and in case you don’t read my blog Ravi…that Soy Chocolate milk your mommy just bought you, is gonna make you gay. So Deonn has a little advice for Ravi. Run away! Ravi, grab your all natural fiber bindle and rainforest stick and set off on your own. You’ll thank me later. “


At 9:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deonn, I know the type of parents you are talking about and your story made me laugh...laugh and then cry for Ravi...poor kid.

I love your comment about kids being compact and travel size -ha!

I look forward to more of your stories.

At 10:03 AM, Blogger David said...

But ya know, those are the same awful parents that make their kid look like Bill Gates, then when he cries every day for 2 weeks, they bring you candy... so... not SO bad...

At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Madame M. said...

Oh man... she sounds like the granola momzilla.

Poor Ravi.


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