Hit Me With Your Best Shot

My friend just called to tell me that her daughter received a nasty injury, to which I replied
"Only your kid would get a nasty injury from a hermit crab"
"That's what her teacher said!"

My friend's 12 year old daughter tends to get injured. These are no run of the mill scraped knees and bumped head kind of injuries. Nor are they cause to alert CPS. Her injuries are always a little odd. Here are a list of her greatest hits...so to speak.

1. Purple Nose.
She had wrapped a rubber band around her nose during class which resulted in broken blood vessels, leading to a perfect purple circle on the tip of her nose that lasted for days. It looked like someone had given her a little Sharpie mouse nose sans whiskers.

2. Bloody Arms,
Okay this one was my fault. We were hanging out at Seattle Center. I offered to give her a dollar if she would go and touch the fountain. Fully clothed she ran down touched the fountain and promptly fell flat on her face. Picture a 12 year old girl wearing all white, dripping blood mixed with water and laughing hysterically. Just one more reason to be wary of my babysitting skills.

3. Black Eye, Okay it wasn't exactly black but it was sore. Here is a transcript of our conversation

Me: What happened?
Her: I gave myself a black eye
Me: How.
Her Pulling up my pants.
Me: Hmm were they too tight or something.
Her: No they were sweat pants.
Me: Okay, what were you doing that would result in a black eye while pulling up sweatpants.
Her: I was trying to smell them.
Me: The prosecution rests.

Of course I can't really pass judgement. I was the kid who was almost strangled playing tether ball and cut her wrists wearing homemade catfood can Wonder Woman wristbands.