Tuesday, January 02, 2007

More Fun With Hell

Another Ring of Hell
I just returned from working out at my health club with my personal trainer Eric... er Satan, because losing weight and getting fit is a surefire way to improve all that is wrong in my life. At least that is what Satan...er Eric would have me believe. He kept asking me "Are you pumped!?" I was something. "Pumped" was not the word that came to mind. Eric...er Satan is one of those big beefy guys that uses the word "stoked" a lot. He looks at me in disbelief when I can only lift a little more than perhaps what a Siamese cat could lift. He kept pushing me off the bouncy ball thingy to test my balance. I wanted him dead. I know he's just doing his job. I choose to hate him for it.

Another ring of Hell...a little one, not so bad...like an Onion Ring.
I know I swore it off. I am either uncharacteristically optimistic or a glutton for punishment...perhaps both. I am trying my hand at the internet dating thing...again.

Now heaven...what would that be? I'm not quite solid on this one but I'm pretty sure it would include Jeff Goldblum,The History Channel, the 5-Spot's Chocolate Cake, and an endless supply of Spaten Optimator. Satan... er... Eric is not invited.


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