Monday, January 01, 2007

Underacheiver's List of Resolutions

How different and refreshing it is to wake up on New Year's Day without a hangover. How odd to wake up in my own bed with my clothes right side out, no visible track marks or a new "I Shook the Baby New Year" Tattoo. But seriously folks (and I know you come here for the serious reading) Happy 2007!

I will admit I was glad to bid adieu to 2006, the heartaches, heartbreaks, stress fractures and mistakes, I mean how many Nigerian E-mail scams does it take before I get it!

It was a mellow New Year's Eve. Dennis and I wandered Belltown, Had some Hale's Troll Porter, watched Sarah Silverman's "Jesus is Magic" and saw the Space Needle fireworks from my window.

So on to the obligatory resolutions. I won't bore you with my usual lose 20 lbs, quit procrastinating, go to the gym, stop dating carnies, put down the crack pipe...blah blah blah.

I have made some new and do-able steps to a new life.

No More Web MD
I have self diagnosed myself with everything from MS to arm cancer to that disease the author of Dilbert got where he couldn't speak except in rhyme. I, of course could still speak, but I am really good at rhyming things so it was only a matter of time before I would be struck by this. I have also diagnosed myself with "Obsessive" and "Crazy" So, no more Web MD or other helpful medical sites.
One Junk Drawer Only
Every year I resove to be more organized. This morning while trying to locate a screwdriver (the hand tool, not the tasty morning beverage) I came across a drawer filled with needles, thread dental floss, a bar mitzvah card and other random tidbits. I can justify this drawer as it is a junk drawer. The next drawer included a home made tape of Russian folk music, a Jeff Goldblum action figure, thumbtacks and some business cards. It went on like that. Most people have one junk drawer. I have seven.
Stop buying coffee mugs
Pretty self explanatory. I am single (go figure) with a ridiculous amount of coffee mugs. I must be stopped.
So that's it.
Those are my resolutions.
Welcome 2007.


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