The Deonn Chronicles
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Dear Mr. Bastard
Dear Mr. Bastard,
Hi guy who broke into my 99 Saturn.Thank you for not breaking any windows. Thank you for not stealing my car. I hope you enjoy the 1.50 worth of pennies and nickels you took. Sorry there isn't more on the Starbucks card. I think there is about 30 cents left on the one you took. Thank you for not taking the other three, as they have some value. I think you should know the portable CD/Tape player barely works and if you choose to put a tape in it...It will be destroyed. The checkbook is what really pisses me off. I don't know if there was more than one of them in the glove compartment so I have closed my account. The prop receipts from Nathan Hale High School may seem worthless, but there is a rebate offer on the Sharpies I bought, So if you really need cash, you may want to send that in to STAPLES. That pill case may look interesting but you may be dissapointed to find that it's just Midol and Allergy medicine. I'm sorry you wasted your time on my car. Maybe next time I'll have something better for you to take. You Bastard.
Owner of the '99 Saturn parked on East John.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Deep Throat...Andy Kauffman?
Is anyone else a little saddened by the revealing of the identity of Deep Throat? It's an end of an era. I am dissapointed on a few levels. First off I was really hoping it would be someone controversial or entertaining like Jerry Lewis or Nixon himself. How much fun would it be to find out the actual Deep Throat was none other than Tiny Tim or Tony Danza. But no it's this other guy, what his name?...oh yeah never heard of him. I like the mystery of it all. I don't want to know where Jimmy Hoffa or D.B. Cooper are now, much like I didn't want to know who wrote Primary colors. It's not disinterest. It is quite the opposite...the mystery is the fun part. Damn you Vanity Fair and shame on you Washington Post and New York Times. Of all news sources to be scooped by. I realize you weren't technically scooped but Holy Cats! Vanity Fair revealing the identity of Deep Throat? What's next Redbook finds JFK's Killer?
The saddest part of all...I always give a fake name at Jamba Juice when they ask...I guess I'll have to take Deep Throat out of my repertoire. They never get it anyway.
Michael Jackson...(Insert your own joke here)
"Michael Jackson is looking gaunt and unhealthy" said a reporter covering the Jackson trial. How can you tell? I thought switching radio stations only to hear the same story on a another news program. "The stress seems to be getting to Jackson. He appeared pale and sickly"
I just thought it was funny.