HER DOG ATE HER FACE!

I tend to obsess over things that I read or hear about in the news. Health quizzes are particularly dangerous for me.
Q Do you have ringing in the ears?
A No. Well I don't think so. Hold on let me check. EVERYONE BE QUIET! Maybe. Yes I can hear ringing. That is definitely ringing. I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR!

It's not just health issues I obsess about. I have fear of fire, falling trees, SARS, Asian Bird Flu, Hall and Oates reunion tour, earthquakes...but here is a new one.

I was reading about the first human face transplant. A woman received a new face because her dog ate the original. Yes. HER DOG ATE HER FACE. Now I worry a lot about a lot of things but I can honestly say this one has never shown up on my radar. Imagine waking up while man's best friend is eating your face. HER DOG ATE HER FACE! This totally freaked me out. I am disturbed. I don't even have a dog...just a new fear.

working on my "Sincere" voice

Week two of trying to act interested.
Well the Seahawks and the Steelers are headed to the Superbowl! I will do my best to be excited. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s great the Seahawks are going to the Superbowl…Superbowls are …well... super. I was even born on Superbowl Sunday. Sports are just not my thing. I have tried. I spent one day on a volleyball team, About a month in gymnastics and four whole years playing softball. (Softball is a kind of obligatory activity for any self-respecting daughter of a lesbian.) I spent four years on the Sattelites softball team. In four years I hit the ball exactly one time…in self defense. I spent most of the time in right field, the least active spot in the outfield. This was a good thing as it gave me plenty of time to make daisy chains. Oh, my mother was beaming with pride. I was the girl who got up to bat and everyone would shout “Easy Out” I didn’t mind the other team stating the obvious but it’s a little harsh coming from your own. I didn’t really care. I guess that was the problem. I didn’t care. I didn’t even care enough to pretend to care. I’ve grown up a lot since then. I’m taller and older and I can make a daisy chain like nobodys business. I am still not very good at pretending to care about sports…but I’ll try. So to sum up…”GO SEAHAWKS!” How was that? Did that sound sincere? I’ll work on it.

Shh. We're Watching Football

Last Saturday, I watched the end of the seahawks game at a bar on Bainbridge Island. I am not really a football fan. I'm one of those "jump on the bandwagon once we are on a winning streak" kinda gals. Everywhere you go there is excitement in the air...Except perhaps Bainbridge Island. There were plenty of people at this bar, even some people outside watching the game through the window. But this particular bar seemed to be populated by the catatonic. It was like watching a football game in a library...Of mimes, with no motor skills. Perhaps with the new smoking ban, people are confused about what they are allowed to do. Are they allowed to drink? Talking is all right but only in hushed tones. Clapping is apparently outlawed and any excited bursts of emotion will have the cops come running...Well walking...We wouldn't want to disturb anyone. I blame these people for the fact that I didn't even know the game was over for a good ten minutes after it ended. Okay, perhaps it was my fault for being more interested in my Stella Artois and Chicken wing than I was in the game, but in any other place in the greater Seattle Area, there would have been some screaming, some clapping, some excitement...some show of emotion. Bainbridge simply paid there tab in silence and went on there merry (albeit subdued) way. Wow. Imagine these people watching golf. You'd have to get out the defibrillators.

Happy Birthday, Boys

Friday the 13th was my birthday. Apparently I share a birthday with Rip Taylor and Charles Nelson Reilley. I guess I was destined to be a hag from birth. If only you could throw Paul Lynde into the mix...what a shindig that would be! Happy Birthday Boys.

(When I say I "Share" a birthday, that doesn't mean I actually spend my birthday with them. The last time Chuck, Rip and I celebrated our birthdays together it was nothing but a drunken showtune saturated bitchfest.)

Happy New Year!

I suppose it is time to update this here blog o' mine. Some of my friends have pointed out that I haven't posted anything since I was looking for an apartment. I last posted that everything in my price range would land me in Murderville, Shotgun Shangri-La or Tacoma.
To those of you who were worried:I haven't been murdered.
To those of you who weren't worried:You are bastards.
So for all two of you out there who read this blog...This post is for you.

I have a great apartment on Lower Queen Anne with parking. Having parking on lower queen Anne is like having an autographed picture of Patti Lupone at a gay bar. You are admired, envied and hated. It's awesome. I got a great deal on the place in exchange for paper thin walls where you often awaken to the sounds of the neighbor's phone ringing, techno and amorous couples. You get used to it.

I have been doing some theatre. It's been a few years since I have been onstage. It didn't take long for me to remember why. I dislike actors. Not all of them. Just a few of them. So if you are an actor and you are reading my blog just assume that I am not talking about you...but I probably am...Just kidding...Or am I?...I am...no I'm not...okay probably. (the nice thing about actors is that they have a very short attentions span and most likeely stopped reading right around "Patti Lupone)

I have a day job now. Yes mom, I have a desk! I am working for a sign company on 1st avenue south. It's surprisingly fun, I work for great people. Everyone is taller than me. It's fun to feel petite at 5'9. I work right between Starbucks headquarters and Krispy Kreme. Which is oddly enough how envision heaven...except I wouldn't be working...and i'd be surrounded by gorgeous straight men feeding me peeled grapes and cleaning my house. And there would be no such thing as techno...or Taco del Mar.

And speaking of straight men. I found one. I don't want to jinx anything by writing too much but lets just say he's not a felon, not a homosexual, has a job and is pretty dang cute. Okay so he's an actor but nobody's perfect. I would go on and on about how witty and smart and great he is, but I know you visit my blog for bitterness and I don't want to activate any gag reflexes by getting all gushy. He did my dishes and made Mimosas...need I say more?

So that's the update. I am writing a musical right now. Well supposed to be writing a show right now, Instead I am updating my blog. I took a little break. It's amazing how many things I can find to do when I am procrastinating. Update my blog, watch "Newsies", paint my nails. Trim my hair.

I didn't make any resolutions this year, but I think I'll try to post to my blog more that every 6 months.

Happy New Year!