Monday, January 29, 2007

Plants, Pipes, Prairies, Platypus and Procrastination

Word on the street is...I been tagged by Mo, yo, so here goes.

Five things you don't know about me.

Hmm. This is harder than I thought. I'm not entirely sure who reads my blog. My friends pretty much know everything there is to know about me. After a drink or two I'll tell you anything. So lets see. I don't really have any deep dark secrets. So here are some random Deonn facts.

1. I hate plants, I like the idea of plants...but plants in reality are a little too needy. They aren't like pets and yet you have to make arrangements for their care when you are away from home. They don't do tricks, protect your home from intruders and you certainly can't take them on walks hoping to meet other single and eligible "plant owners" at Green lake. All the plants in my house are fake. While it might look like I am the constant recipient of fresh daisies...they are, in actuality from IKEA.

2. I like the smell of pipes. No, not that kind of pipe, you dirty hippie. I like the ole timey tobacco pipes. The kind you'd smoke while settin in the rockin chair on the porch doin some whittlin' or playin the banjo. I have never smoked a pipe...well never inhaled anyway.

3. I will watch a documentary about pretty much much anything. It doesn't really matter what it is. I watched a documentary about concrete not too long ago...(well not just concrete, I was flipping back and forth between Sanford and Son re-runs and a story about the platypus) One night I watched a documentary about Genghis Khan and one about Kublai Khan. I switched over to VH-1 hoping for one about Chaka such luck.

4. I know pretty much every episode of "Little House on the Prairie" I know you are impressed. My cousin Amberly and I used to pretend to be the Ingall's girls. We both always wanted to be Mary cause she had all the afflictions and we thought that was cool. Scarlett Fever, Blindness, Abdominal Surgery, Lost a kid in a fire...Hmm the more I think about it the more I realize how strange it is we fought over being her. Kids are dumb. Speaking of dumb, I had a big crush on Albert in the episode where he was addicted to Morphine. What a bad ass.

5. I only post to my blog when I am procrastinating. I have a busy day tomorrow but instead of figuring out choreography for the production number I ma supposed to stage tomorrow, I am sitting here posting to my blog. This follows other procrastination tools such as watching the "Tall Guy", reading Yahoo news, talking to a cute boy on the phone and attempting to create Franken-Dinner out of the strange odds and ends in my kitchen.

Okay Tag...You are it. No backsies
David, J.R., Ariel, Tyler, Madame M

Don't Mess With the Eagles Man...

Okay perhaps this story doesn't have the red-neck glamour of Crystal Gayle's Nascar/Wal-mart Tour Bus Hijinks, But c'mon you can't really beat this one.
Eagle Carrying Dear Head Causes Power Outage.

They don't play that round on Big Elk Hunter Pro

Friday, January 26, 2007

Crystal Gayle's Stolen Tour Bus Nascar Prison Break Adventure

So you know how I'm really into Nascar and Country music, right?
Okay not really , but I do know people who are into Nascar and country music.... and not just people who date within their own family, either.
This news story has everything.
Prison Break
Crystal Gayle
...a true American tale of adventure.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

More from the Marine Front

In addition to blouses and "go fasters" I was informed that Marines call their pants "trousers" (just like grandpa used to say) and they hold their socks up with garters (Just like Grandma used to use) but I am pretty sure only those over the age of 80 use the word "Davenport" instead of couch. Does anyone still drink Sanka?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Things, I have recently learned

  • Apricot cheese is icky.
  • Seattle was once called Duwamps
  • The Marines call men’s shirts “blouses” and tennis shoes are called “Go fasters”
  • Marta’s High school sociology teacher regularly ate milkbone dog biscuits
  • You can order edamame at the Redhook Brewpub
  • I am friends with someone who would order edamame at a brewpub.
  • Red pumps, in a size 9 ½ look better on drag queens
  • “Somewhere between the Moon and New York City” is a very catchy song

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Enough already...

Snow Day….remix
Okay the initial winter excitement has worn off. The first weather related day off was a welcome novelty. Last Thursday’s snow day was a fun little bit of adventure. Saturday’s snow, while lovely to look at, was starting to get on my nerves. Today…I’m a-weary. I am anxious to get back to normal. Well my version of normal, anyway. I can't really complain though. Last week's bonus snow day allowed me to view both the sunset and the comet from the observation deck of the Space Needle...way awesome.

Okay now, back to complaining...

Today, I went to work. Not an easy feat. I experienced a little Metro Transit anarchy among the Queen Anne bus riders. It was like Tokyo Subway Smackdown outside Uptown Espresso. I was seething on the inside but I just couldn’t bring myself to say “Hey no cuts!” to those who clearly couldn’t remember the kindergarten single file rule of lining up. After getting nudged, cut off and nearly trampled by my neighbors crowding on to the first bus that had arrived in 45 minutes, waiting through another crowded bus that could take no more passengers, I gave up. How’s that for a run on sentence, Mr. Guterson! (He was my red penned creative writing teacher. In addition to marking me down for run-ons and excessive use of commas,,he also cautioned me against tangents)

Anyway. I walked the slippery half mile back to my house and took my chances driving. This is kind of a big deal for me since I am the ultimate cold weather wimp when it comes to driving. I slid a bit around Queen Anne but made it to work in a reasonable amount of time. Mm good story huh?

It’s all rain now, slushy, beautiful puddles of brown-ness. I’m okay with that. It’s the Seattle I know and love.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Happy Birthday, Me!

Well, It's official. I am 33 years old. This is the time I re-make my resolutions after the two weeks of failure between New Year's and My Birthday. This is usually followed by 50 weeks of failure between my birthday and New Year's Eve.

My resolutions were small this year. Create only one junk drawer, stop buying coffee mugs and stay away from web MD. How am I doing you ask? I have not bought a single coffee mug in two weeks. Such resolve! Are you impressed by my strength?

Birthday Greetings are also in order for My stepsister Marjorie, Katie Sundt, Mrs. Bussell my former Kindergarten teacher, Isabella my former kindergarten student and of boys

Please click on this. C'mon it's his birthday!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Snow Day!

Yahoo! I gots me a snow day!
Or as I like to call it…” The Perfect Excuse To Accomplish Absolutely Nothing”
…thus far I have succeeded.
Oh I’ve made it out of the house for coffee, responded to a few e-mails and daydreamed a bit.
That's all.
I’m going to see just how little I can accomplish in a day.
I suppose posting to my blog could be considered productive.
No, never mind that doesn’t count. Posting to my blog is what I do to avoid being productive.

Okay, so far the only thing I have accomplished is a shower.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

How Many Trailers Have Hooping?

You gotta love Ariel.
I will even forgive her for reading the following from her teen journal back in our angsty high school theatre least I was warned.

"Deonn is so rude and has the biggest attitude in this hemisphere"

Gosh I feel kinda famous! This was an excerpt from tonight's performance of The Salon of Shame at the Jewelbox Theatre. While it's hardly complimentary, I fared better than many of our mutual high school friends/classmates. It was a great show. Check out the next reading March 14th.

and speaking of Ariel
Check out her new book
How many books have trailers?
And how many trailers have hula-hooping?

Monday, January 08, 2007

Five Days...

This Saturday is my birthday. Birthdays have never really excited or bothered me too much. 33 feels different. I don't know why. I was almost relieved to turn 30. I have looked 30 since I was about 13 so it seemed only right. 31 and 32 seemed like toying or experimenting with adulthood. 33... well, it's like I have really committed to being in my thirties now.

I feel like it's time to be an adult. I should have a real job and a mortgage and a 401k, not to mention a husband, kids, high waisted "mom jeans" and a mini-van. It's not that I want those things necessarily, but I feel as if I should want to want those things. Except for the mom jeans, I don't think anyone sets out wanting those...They are just one of those things that happen, like using the word "sneakers", having balls on your socks and and calling anyone under 25, a kid.

33 just seems to lack an identity, aside from the exciting fact of being divisible by eleven.

That being said...I'm strangely optimistic.
Things seem to be looking up. I reckon.
and speaking of looking up, some say turkeys can drown from looking up in the rain.
I wouldn't want to come off as too optimistic.

Jumpin on the Bandwagon

I can't believe it's been a whole year since the last time I pretended to care about football.
So..uh...Go Hawks...Yeah! um...Wahoo Seattle!...that's all I got.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Define "Geeky"

"Is it really geeky that Kurt and I got matching Science Fiction Museum T-Shirts?"
Courtesy of my friend Marie

Friday, January 05, 2007


Two things I am not particularly knowledgeable about are contemporary music and culinary arts. So when my friend asked me if I was familiar with “All-Clad” I assumed he was talking about an alternative band, turns out it’s a brand of cook ware.

Cookware that could also be mistaken for alternative rock bands:
Sitram Cybernox

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Maybe I have Rickets

Three days in to the New Year and I have already broken a resolution.
I spent some time on Web MD.
My symptoms point to either Lupus, an iron deficiency or being the victim of a snake bite.
...or maybe I'm just cold.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

More Fun With Hell

Another Ring of Hell
I just returned from working out at my health club with my personal trainer Eric... er Satan, because losing weight and getting fit is a surefire way to improve all that is wrong in my life. At least that is what Eric would have me believe. He kept asking me "Are you pumped!?" I was something. "Pumped" was not the word that came to mind. Satan is one of those big beefy guys that uses the word "stoked" a lot. He looks at me in disbelief when I can only lift a little more than perhaps what a Siamese cat could lift. He kept pushing me off the bouncy ball thingy to test my balance. I wanted him dead. I know he's just doing his job. I choose to hate him for it.

Another ring of Hell...a little one, not so an Onion Ring.
I know I swore it off. I am either uncharacteristically optimistic or a glutton for punishment...perhaps both. I am trying my hand at the internet dating thing...again.

Now heaven...what would that be? I'm not quite solid on this one but I'm pretty sure it would include Jeff Goldblum,The History Channel, the 5-Spot's Chocolate Cake, and an endless supply of Spaten Optimator. Satan... er... Eric is not invited.

Fun with Hell

I think everyone has their own version of a personalized hell. Whether you believe in an actual hell is beside the point. Throw away your visions of pitchforks, angry demons and sweltering heat. This isn’t about my childhood. What would your personal hell be?

Marie’s personal hell might include being trapped in an enclosed space listening to Al Franken while being force fed bell peppers by Kirstie Alley.

Brad’s Hell? Being trapped in a poorly decorated bungalow with a plasma TV showing nothing but Korean pop videos and Christian Rock.

JR’s would be to repeatedly watch a Baptist fold a map incorrectly while telling him how “ironic” it all is.... and there would be no such thing as math.

I have discovered mine.
My personal hell is standing amongst a group of people, all of which repeatedly hand me the perfect set up to an irreverent joke and/or comment. I can’t say a thing because they won’t understand, they will be horribly offended and/or won’t think it is as funny as I do.
That’s not really my hell.
It’s kinda my life.
If it were my hell, it would include smooth jazz and somebody repeatedly saying “as it were.”

Monday, January 01, 2007

Maybe I Do Need Cable

Underacheiver's List of Resolutions

How different and refreshing it is to wake up on New Year's Day without a hangover. How odd to wake up in my own bed with my clothes right side out, no visible track marks or a new "I Shook the Baby New Year" Tattoo. But seriously folks (and I know you come here for the serious reading) Happy 2007!

I will admit I was glad to bid adieu to 2006, the heartaches, heartbreaks, stress fractures and mistakes, I mean how many Nigerian E-mail scams does it take before I get it!

It was a mellow New Year's Eve. Dennis and I wandered Belltown, Had some Hale's Troll Porter, watched Sarah Silverman's "Jesus is Magic" and saw the Space Needle fireworks from my window.

So on to the obligatory resolutions. I won't bore you with my usual lose 20 lbs, quit procrastinating, go to the gym, stop dating carnies, put down the crack pipe...blah blah blah.

I have made some new and do-able steps to a new life.

No More Web MD
I have self diagnosed myself with everything from MS to arm cancer to that disease the author of Dilbert got where he couldn't speak except in rhyme. I, of course could still speak, but I am really good at rhyming things so it was only a matter of time before I would be struck by this. I have also diagnosed myself with "Obsessive" and "Crazy" So, no more Web MD or other helpful medical sites.
One Junk Drawer Only
Every year I resove to be more organized. This morning while trying to locate a screwdriver (the hand tool, not the tasty morning beverage) I came across a drawer filled with needles, thread dental floss, a bar mitzvah card and other random tidbits. I can justify this drawer as it is a junk drawer. The next drawer included a home made tape of Russian folk music, a Jeff Goldblum action figure, thumbtacks and some business cards. It went on like that. Most people have one junk drawer. I have seven.
Stop buying coffee mugs
Pretty self explanatory. I am single (go figure) with a ridiculous amount of coffee mugs. I must be stopped.
So that's it.
Those are my resolutions.
Welcome 2007.